Round 17...The Night Before

So as I lay here in bed, I have so many thoughts running through my mind. I have round 17 of chemo tomorrow morning. I always have this plan that I will make sure I over hydrate and eat like a pig the three days prior so I am ready to absorb and distribute the poison I will be shooting into my veins. I have done well this go round as far as prepping as planned. My commitment usually depends on how rough the previous round was. Last time I was pretty positive going into it seeing as after adding steroids and nausea meds to my round 15 infusion, I was feeling exceptional. Though after failing to continue to eat and drink post chemo round 16, I bombed. It literally took me over a week to perk back up. Just about then, it was time to get my monthly (every 28 days) Lupron shot. I was started on Lupron November 13, 2019. I have since had 12 shots. This was advised to be added to my regime to preserve my ovaries should I decide to try and have children again. I will say I do not recall having a choice in this matter. I can honestly say after being diagnosed with a hormone fed non-genetic cancer, I can without a doubt promise you I have no intentions of ever having another child by means of my uterus. Hard pass. I mean, I must stay on a hormone blocker for the next 10 years. 10 YEARS. I do not know many women who choose to get pregnant at the age of 45. I barely have the patience for the bundle of joy I already possess. I love her, but I will get another dog should the urge arise.

I often find myself thinking, it has been over a year since this who process started. I have completed 16 rounds of chemotherapy, 12 Lupron shots, 9 reconstruction chest expansions, 7.5 months of induce menopause and 3 surgeries. All the while I still have a minimum of 5 more chemotherapy, 4+ Lupron shots (should I go a different route), 9+ years of induced menopause and 2+ surgeries. I am so close to the goal line and the numbers are going down each and every week. It’s crazy to look at what all I have checked off in my calendar. What’s crazier is to think my to-do lists these days consists of cancer related this and cancer related that. Had you asked me in the summer of 2019 what my -10-year plan, hell what my 1-year plan was, I can 110% guarantee you it did not involve me being diagnosed with cancer.  I feel so fortunate to be in the position I am in after all this year has presented to us. I have so many stories I need to write. I will do my best to fill you in on all the lovely drama and details without hopefully getting too explicit. I really have been through emotional hell but have refused to let it get to me. I have some things that I can hopefully say here that I have not been able to say before. Some info I have had to be very protective over due to the situations I have found myself in these past 12 months. I do feel the need to go ahead and apologize should anyone feel slighted or hurt by any of the things I say. My intentions are never to hurt anyone and only to help others who may be going through a similar situation. Maybe I should take a tip from all the forensic shows I watch and change the names to protect those involved. What I can say for sure is 2020 is a “B” and I am ready for it to move the heck on! I have also taken up cursing less so we shall see how well this translates to my blog. Sometimes a cuss word is all that seem appropriate. 

Now go feel up yourself and/or the special one in your life. Breast cancer does not discriminate.